I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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