who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
