You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
