If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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