you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
