their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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