Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
