I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
