You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
