pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
