I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
