My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
