margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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