I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
