I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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