9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
