made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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