If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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