my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
