Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
