He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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