i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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