I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
