im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
