I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
