did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
