you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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