mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
