So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
