it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
