He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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