I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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