hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
