you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
