You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
