Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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