i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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