when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
