so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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