No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
