we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
