I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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