I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
