If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
