fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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