Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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