see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
