I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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