I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
