he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
