I hate your face
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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