Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
