It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
