I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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