the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
